tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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