maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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