dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Little spoons don't ask big questions
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
