you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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