Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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