i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
