I heard we made out
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
