i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
