Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then my night got REAL pukey
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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