Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think I died a long time ago.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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