you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
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did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
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I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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