I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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