Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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