Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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