I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
