I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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