we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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