note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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