I wish I only lived at night.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
