quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I had to cum in my sink.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
