I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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