i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
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I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
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Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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