He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
