Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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