but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
