Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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