I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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