she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
