dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
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Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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