just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
