I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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