we're chasing vodka with high fives
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
