a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
