Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
