just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
