Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
