omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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