you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
