I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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