Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
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So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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