Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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