mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
