He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
