the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
