You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
