I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
