Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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