How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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