dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
