Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
