And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
