you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
