Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize