I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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