thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize