White coat. Heels.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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