this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
