once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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