i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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