I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
